Happy New Year

The new job; a poorly trained monkey can do the same thing. I guess that makes me a…never mind, let’s just say I’m overqualified, ok? Like the main character from “Office Space” – I actually do about an hour of work, and go out of my way to keep out of trouble for the rest of the day (actually, night). Know why I keep focusing on “Office Space”? Remember when I said this unit goes out of its way to make itself miserable? Here’s another example – I work in a cubicle, in a windowless room lit by flickering fluorescent lights, surrounded by sallow-skinned vampires (in the sense that they avoid the light as though it were painful to them), in the worst country on this planet. Who would have thought there would be a place in Iraq that could look up to Dilbert as a positive influence?

Ok, so I’ve got a real good case of the self-pities. I’ll pull myself out of it eventually, I know I will. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, find a happy place. Milla J., Milla J., OK, I think I’m better now. I guess I should go ahead and list the New Years resolutions I will try not to break for at least 24 hours. In no particular order, here they are:

1) I will not strangle anyone this year. Not to death, at least.

2) I will refrain from daydreaming about various ways to have the new boss killed. Or if I do, I will refrain from giggling uncontrollably.

3) I will try to keep an upbeat attitude about life in general. Aw, crap. Already broke that one.

4) I will try to drink less than 10 cups of coffee a day. Well, less than 15.

5) I will not run around the building screaming “Perimeter Check”, yelling “All Clear”, and returning to my desk. Apparently this causes one to get recommended for Mental exams. I should know better.

6) I will remember that I am not a member of a rag-tag band of rebels fighting the evil empire, I am not a member of a rag-tag band of refugees fleeing the “Cylons”, and I am not a good-ole boy, never meanin’ no harm. They never let me have any fun.

7) Bob - This one's for you - I will replace any food items I eat. I promise. No, really. Seriously. I swear. No kidding. LOL!

8) I will not tape this picture to any portion of my desk or cubicle. Well, I'll make sure I take it down when someone tells me to. (Thanks to R.K. Milholland)

9) And finally I will not make any promises I cannot keep. Whups, another one already broken. ;-)




Have a good year everyone!

Yup. Still Bored.

Ok, so I've come to the conclusion that night shift sucks. Really sucks. Like a black hole.
So far tonight, I've burned songs to my MP3 player, read a years worth of Something Positive, and played 13 games of solitaire. Your tax dollars at work, eh?

Funny thing is, I could be doing what I was doing before. You know, what I left behind to come here, because they said "We need the personnel." Yeah right.

I've also come to the conclusion that this unit, in general, and my section, in particular, is so wracked with self-loathing that they have to go out of their way to make themselves more miserable. For example, these people have actually scheduled physical training, in a combat zone. Garrison, training to go to war, sure, OK. But when we're thousands of miles away, surrounded by people that want to take us out? We have enough reasons to be miserable, why force everyone to get up at "oh-dark-thirty" to train, then work a 10 to 12 hour shift? Good god - there are opportunities to train on your own, without having to do it with people you are forced to interact with for the entire day anyways. Ok, Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.

I was told my hours would be modified to a more conventional night shift style (as it is, I work the last part of the night to the middle of the day. argh.), and when I brought up the fact that it would be nice to be able to have some input on what those hours would be, I was shot down quicker than an insurgent with an AK. I was told "You will work the hours I give you. Deal with it." Now, if I was a new soldier with no experience and nothing to bring to the table, that would be one thing, but I've got over a decade of work experience and the abilities to do much more than I am given. Crap. Leadership is "the ability to influence others to accomplish the mission." Give me a mission, don't leave me sitting in a cubicle for 12 hours a day, without even giving me a "TPS" report to do (my apologies for referencing the movie "Office Space")

Ah, well. Back to the grind. I wonder where to put that red Jack?

Oh yeah...

I thought I'd mention, now that I can access it here, that I'm a BIG fan of the something positive webcomic. I got turned onto it by my Soldier, who could swear it was based on me and my attitude. I’m not real sure how I should take that, but what the heck! It’s a great comic and fits my somewhat sick sense of humor perfectly. Check it out!

(Just a warning, though...some of the humor is a little, um, ok, a LOT off color. Don't say I didn't tell ya!)

Hi Honey, I'm (at my new) Home

Howdy folks,

Well, I made it. I am now at my new location in Iraq. The trip was really fun, since it was my first night ride in a Blackhawk helicopter. Big fun!

Wouldn't you know it? Guess who's my new roommate? That doggone "Bob on the Fob". Good stuff, eh? He's an alright room-dawg, so that's a good thing.

I'm working the night shift now, so my whole sleep schedule's gonna be shot for a few days. Hopefully my new job is going to be as much fun as my last one.

Well, that's it for now. I hope to get some pics and some fresh ideas for posts soon, so keep visiting!

Happy Birthday to my wife

Please everyone wish Happy Birthday to my wife. I'm a gentleman, so I do not know how old she is, but I'm estimating somewhere around 25. Love you honey!

I was reading Bob on the Fob's Blog (wow, that’s a mouthful!) and he asked a good question. Well, Bob, if you want Combat Spurs, you must have the “skill, fitness, dash, discipline, and cunning” to be a Cav Trooper. Ah, without all that, you’re a lost cause, my friend. ;-)
Maybe we can work on that for you...Just kidding, folks. SGT M. is one of the best NCOs I know. Stay safe, brother!

Talk to you all soon, today is a busy day!

Huah!

Last night (Christmas Night, no less) I was presented with one of the greatest honors an old soldier like me can get.

I told you all that I was leaving this area soon, and would be moving to another area for the remainder of my tour in Iraq. Well, the unit I am working with right now is a Cavalry unit (which usually means they lots of armored assets (tanks, Strykers, etc.)) I will be returning to my Infantry brethren soon. We were given a farewell during the weekly briefing, which usually consists of “We were so glad to have you here, now leave.” In this case, however, we were given Certificates of Appreciation by the General and presented with certificates awarding membership in the “Order of the Combat Spur.”

Now for the other part of the story; why this was such an honor for me in particular. My first assignment was with a Cavalry unit, and as a Private I was not eligible to be a member of the Spur “fraternity.” Usually, you must be a Non-Commissioned Officer (a Sergeant, for example), or an Officer, to be eligible, and even then you must pass a rigorous testing to be awarded the Spurs. I was actually quite jealous (I know, I’m a dork…) and it had been one of my regrets that I did not remain with that unit long enough to become eligible for the Spur Competition.

To be giving this award, after being away from the “Cav” for many years, and having been presented with the “Order of the Combat Spur,” it almost made me tear up a little. And the fact that I was not even an "official" member of their organization (meaning I didn't have anything in writing that made said I belonged to them) makes me all the prouder, since it feels like they made me a member of the family. Again, I will miss these guys when I leave.

It’s funny, when you think about it. I have been assigned to my Division for many years, but the first time I really regret leaving a unit, it’s one that I’m temporarily attached to.

That was the best Christmas present I have ever gotten from the Army.

Happy Holidays

So I'm reading through SGT M.'s Blog (of Bob on the FOB fame) and I have had an epiphany. Even though I'm in a combat zone, several thousand miles from everyone I love, during the holiday season, there is still some things to be thankful for (in no particular order):

I'm thankful I didn't have to go to the Christmas Party that he's talking about.

I'm thankful I didn't have to listen to a quote-un-quote D.J. play music that only a small portion of people actually enjoy. (I believe I'll write another post about that issue at some point ...)

I’m thankful for a world that has Milla in it.

Ok, ok, now here is the real list of things I’m thankful for:

I’m thankful that, once again, I’m lucky enough to have a supervisor that will allow me to do my job without getting in the way (too much, anyways).

I’m thankful that, even though I’ve been in more dangerous situations in the past few years than I am comfortable with, I’m still happy and healthy.

I’m thankful that I was lucky enough to find a woman that can actually stand to be around me, and tolerates, if not enjoys, most of the things I do.

I’m thankful for good friends and good brothers-in-arms. (The photo above is of a couple of guys I work with right now. I will miss them when I move.)

And finally I’m thankful that, as George Orwell said, "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night while rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.”

My thanks to all my fellow soldiers, who defend not only our fellow Americans, but my family and I. Good luck and God Speed.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Merry Christmas to all

Merry Christmas everyone. Here are some "tags" my wife made for and/or had sent to me.

Hope you all like them as much as I do. Do I need to say "Bah, humbug"?

Except these - no "Bah, Humbug" for these two.
Heh heh heh. ;-P

Thanks to everyone who made these and sent them to me and my wife.

A quick note

I was going through all my pictures and thought this would be a good one to share. This is the palace I work out of. This picture was taken right after we had gotten back from a trip, so we were still in all our gear.

My wife makes "Tags." Not sure if this one is hers or if someone else made it, but it is the funniest thing I think I have ever seen. I don't know why it tickles my funny bone so much, but I get a chuckle every time I see or even think about it. Oh me! I'm giggling right now, just looking at it.

That's why I decided to make it my profile picture - it makes me laugh.

A Few Words About Work Ethic

Here I am, busting my buns, working all day, every day, and I see people sitting around, doing nothing, twiddling their respective thumbs, waiting for something, anything to do. Oh, wait...that's a picture of me. I'll shut up, then. ;-)

So, here's the deal - I'm moving from one undisclosed location to another undisclosed location, and so I'm just waiting for my time to move out. Days turn into weeks, and this whole time I know that whatever I accomplish will be taken over by someone else and they will get the credit. This leaves me with mixed feelings, since 1) there is no I in TEAM (although there is an M and an E, hmmm...) and 2) I've taken over from someone else and I get/have gotten credit for their work. I'm running into a “Chicken or the Egg” issue, since I was here before (03-04), and so it's become a cyclic thing (my work led to their work, which leads to my work, which leads to someone else’s work, ad nauseum.) Still, it does get frustrating working with people, trying to get them to understand that you want to support them, but will not be around long enough to help them accomplish what you want.

“I really want to help, but I'm leaving. You know Bill? He’s going to help you until he leaves, which might be next week. Maybe Ted will be back to help, I don’t know. But hey! We care!”

Anyways, while I whittle away the time I have left on this FOB (Forward Operating Base, if you didn’t know), Christmas is coming fast. I sent the wife (love you, honey!) a package with her presents. Knowing the mail system, she will not get it in time, but that would be my own fault. I really should have sent it sooner, but I'm a lazy bastard when it comes to things like that. I've gotten packages from the family, containing all my favorite things - toys, PlayDoh, video games. Maturity is overrated, that's what I always say.

Hey you! Get back to work! There will be no mirth or merriment on this FOB!!

Say Hello to my Leetle Fren..

This is me, again. I wanted to talk a little about my little friend, Milla. Yes, that would be the name of my rifle, an M4. It's kind of a tradition for you to give your weapon a girl's name. In this case, I named it after Milla Jovovich, the actress from "Fifth Element" and the "Resident Evil" Movies. I've developed a bit of a crush on her, which my wife takes with good humor (thank goodness).

The last time I was here I was assigned a SAW (squad automatic weapon) and an M4. That time, I named them the twins - Matilda and Helga. The time before that, I had an M16, which was named BUB (big ugly bastard (so it's not a girl's name, sue me!))

Today's Mission

This is what you call a Cav Picture. That's when you take a picture that looks like it might be in a military surplus/supply chain catalog.

In this case, I might be advertising my knee pads (I've got horrible knees, crackley and they hurt like an icepick driving through them when I walk in damp weather), my drop-leg ammo pouches (holds 6 - 30 round magazines!), my combat sling (helps me hold my weapon in 4 different positions!)

At this particular time, I was pulling security at a jail. Not much to do, so I had one of my buddies take this picture of me.

My Job

Let me tell you all a little about my job.

For anyone who’s seen the television show – do you remember all the people in the background, rushing around the actors, looking really busy? That’s me. Working in the background, getting the job done.

I work as a military paralegal, which 90% of the time, sounds just like what it is. I do some work in courtrooms, assist attorneys in preparing for trial, typing and arranging case files. In the military, there is a system called nonjudicial punishment, or Article 15s, which allow a commander to take money and rank away from a soldier. The commander can also take away spare time, by issueing what is called "Extra Duty." My job with this is to make sure that the commanders are doing the right thing with this process, not abusing it or illegally charging the Soldier.

We assist with getting rid of bad soldiers who do not obey the rules and live by the Army standards. When it becomes evident that keeping a Soldier in the military isn't beneficial to the Army or the Soldier (for example the Soldier uses drugs), or it’s better for the Soldier to be separated from the military (for example if a Soldier is Pregnant or gets a job with the FBI/CIA/Border Patrol), then we, as paralegals, will assist commanders in separating the soldier. Again, we assist with making sure the process is done legally and fairly.

This is a fine line to walk, since both the commander and the soldier think we are out to get them. Commanders will sometimes ask us to create UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) packets (either ART 15 or Court Martial) with insufficient evidence, or ask us to charge soldiers for offenses that are not covered by the UCMJ. In that instance, we, as the commanders advisors, have to have the intestinal fortitude (guts!) to tell the commander no, and to do the right thing.

The soldier, on the other hand, will usually only see one thing; the packet went to JAG (me), I prepared it, and he lost rank, pay, and time. Ouch, since now he/she thinks that I was out for them personally. This just isn't the case. Well, most of the time. LOL.

Now we get into the other 10% of my job, and what I think is the most fun. Military Paralegals deploy to foreign countries with other Soldiers to assist in all manner of things. One of the things I enjoy the most is what we call “Non-Traditional” legal work. This is when you take a paralegal and/or an attorney and they will do work not normally expected. For example, an attorney might go downtown and meet a mayor, and convince them to work with the Chief of Police and Judges, to build a new and improved Judicial System.

Now, for the bad news. It’s been my experience that there are not very many attorneys that look like Catherine Bell. So sad, isn’t it? But such is life. LOL.

Feel free to comment and tell me what you think of my job!

Sundown in Iraq

This was another day - we had spent about 7 hours downtown, and were about to head home for the day.

You might be wondering about the fact that I'm not wearing some of the gear (i.e. kevlar, vest, etc), well, keep wondering. LOL!

Introduction

Howdy folks. This'll be my first foray into the Blogging arena, so please have mercy on me and be gentle. This is me (on the left) and one of the guys I work with. We're having a little morning Chai to get us started. What a day this was.

I work as a military paralegal, which is the job I picked after I decided I wanted a "desk job." Little did I realize, huh?

I can be reached by email at usgp01@gmail.com.